The Scale
As I’ve mentioned in what seems to be too many blog posts, I’ve been dealing with some health challenges lately. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I was able to visit my GP for the yearly visit I had scheduled. I was excited to finally talk to a live doctor (up to that point I had been leaving messages with her assistant). I remembered that I felt “heard” at my visit the year before, and I was expecting the same empathic treatment this year. I wanted to request a battery of blood tests to help determine why I was so tired and achy. The rheumatologist had solved some of the mystery with the sciatica and spinal stenosis diagnoses, but I felt there was more going on in my body.
I was also apprehensive. I was apprehensive for the same reason I am always apprehensive about going to the doctor: I didn’t want to hear about my weight. My weight has little bearing on my health. I practice healthy habits, and I know that losing weight is not sustainable, so I have no interest in hearing about my weight. My doctor did not bring up my weight on my visit last year, and I was hopeful this year was going to be the same. I planned in my head that I would give a firm “no” when the assistant asked to weigh me.
When I arrived at my appointment, the assistant did ask me to get on the scale. I have a lot of energy around the scale. I see no reason to be weighed. They weighed me last year. They have a baseline. Have I gained weight since then? I don’t know. Have I lost weight since then? I don’t know. What I do know is that my weight is not a measurement of my health. I am no better or worse because of my weight. Scales bring up bad memories for me. I spent years (40+) on the diet cycle, and the scale was just a shaming tool for me. I divorced the scale in my home in 2016, and I have no interest in reconnecting with it or any of its relatives. So I asked the assistant why they had to weigh me. He told me that it was their standard practice. I asked if my insurance would not pay them if he didn’t weigh me. He said, “No. It is standard practice for our physicals that we weigh our patients.” This seemed like a stupid standard. I have read so many articles that contain verbiage that I could supply my doctor when they say they want to weigh me. I’ve even seen little cards that you can have printed that request you not be weighed. You don’t even have a conversation with the medical professional about it. You just hand them the card. Had I memorized the verbiage? No. Had I brought any of those little cards? No.
So, for whatever reason, I reluctantly stepped on the scale. I don’t even know if I stepped on it properly. I think the backs of my feet were hanging off the scale. As soon as the assistant got what he has looking for, I stepped off.
We went to the examining room. The assistant asked me the usual barrage of questions. Do you have any health concerns? Do you have any new pain? Are you on the same medication? Did you get a COVID shot? Did you get a flu shot?
Then the doctor came in. I love this doctor. I’ve only seen her once before, and she asked me about my lifestyle. She asked me what I enjoy doing. She never talked about weight or what I should eat. In a blog post I wrote last year If you don’t like it then can you put a pin in it?, I said I might even want to have dinner with her. I trust her and feel safe in her presence.
We talked about my stamina challenges. She started to recommend that the assistant add some blood tests to my regimen. They would be testing my liver function. They would be testing my thyroid levels. They would test sugar levels for diabetes. They would test iron levels. They would test vitamin D levels. “Wait!” she said. She wasn’t sure if the vitamin D levels would be covered by insurance. The assistant replied, “We just have to put that under BMI.” What? My test will be covered because my BMI is high?
I found this statement interesting. Normally, a BMI over 25 will cause people to judge me. I am too fat. I need to stop eating to get better. I am not taking care of my health. I will not be afforded the same treatments as straight-bodied people because I should lose weight first. In this situation, my insurance company would choose to pay for a test because I am considered fat? What about the straight-bodied person? If they were also having stamina issues, would they be able to get the vitamin D test?
I remember back in the 1980s, I was given a vitamin D prescription by my doctor because he said I was deficient in vitamin D. How did he find that out? Was that just considered standard in Syracuse, NY because it’s hardly ever sunny? I was in a much smaller body at that time. Were the rules for testing blood for a vitamin D deficiency different at that time?
I was really in an interesting space. I was thinking, “Wow, I am so glad I got weighed today because that way they can pass along the request for the vitamin D test.” The experience started me wondering about getting weighed again. When I get weighed, I never look at the scale. It’s a value that means nothing to me. It’s a value that I used for so many years to belittle myself. But to my doctor, it’s an important tool to get me tested. So I guess it’s okay for me to get weighed. Hmm... What if I had some weird weight gain or weight loss due to some health issue? I guess in that case I would want to be weighed. Perhaps I can accept being weighed as long as I’m with a doctor who respects me and the choices I make.
In the end, I am low on vitamin D. So I am taking that. I also had a very high thyroid reading. The doctor is waiting a few weeks and she’s going to have that level tested again. If it’s still high, I will start on thyroid meds. Those two areas would certainly explain my loss of stamina and my tiredness. I’m grateful I was heard and issues may be resolved. I’m also a little grateful for...the scale.
