Dualism Sucks

I’m feeling uncomfortable with what I see going on in my world.  People are angry.  They are angry that they can’t go to work and that stores are not open and they can’t see their family members and they can’t see their friends.  They want to stop social distancing.  They feel that they have been sold a false story.  Here in Utah the virus is not as visible as in other parts of the world.  There are no cadavers lining the halls of hospitals.  With just over 4100 cases and 41 deaths on 4/27/2020 some people are wondering how this illness could be such a risk to the grocery store workers and the restaurant owners.  There are people who can’t work and are worrying about paying their bills.  They are worrying about their rent.  They aren’t waiting in lines at the grocery store; they’re waiting in lines at soup kitchens.  They want to get their worlds up and running again.  They feel they are right and the other side is wrong.

There are other angry people as well.  These people are angry because there are groups who are not social distancing.  There are groups meeting in the park for lunch.  There are groups celebrating birthdays with 30 guests.  This group is angry because they don’t like that people aren’t following rules.  They are angry because they want to be out and about also but they are following the rules so they can’t go out in the world.  They are angry that the people who are going out are going to infect more people with their germs and the pandemic will last even longer and social distancing rules will continue.  They feel like they are right and the other side is wrong.

I see lots of angry people.  I see lots of scared people.  Scared they won’t have money to feed their families.  Scared they will lose the business they worked so hard at building.  Scared that if they let an employee stay home because he’s worried he will get sick and infect his family then no one in the business will come to work and they will have to close their business.  I see people scared because their immune systems are weak and if they catch the virus they might die.  I see people scared because they have a different illness and suddenly this illness isn’t the top priority and they aren’t getting the treatment they need.  I see so many people scared because they don’t know what the future will bring.

I have had anger and I have had fear.  Some days these feelings are strong and they tear me down.  Sometimes I get depressed and I don’t want to get out of bed.  Then I’m beating myself up for not getting out of bed.  The battle to live in the moment and not focus on the future is a tough battle.  

Then there is the uncomfortableness.  That feeling I feel when I see the duality that is emerging from this pandemic.  Both sides so desperate to feel that their view is the “Right” view.  Whether it be returning to work and saving the economy or keeping people quarantined and creating legal rules to keep folks in masks and off the streets, both sides are holding tight to their points of view.  I see both sides as angry, scared, and wanting to be heard.  When I get on social media (and I seem to be “getting on” a lot these days) I see rants coming from both sides.  I saw one post where a person from each side was making bets on how many Americans they thought would die in this crisis.  The winner was going to get a bottle of scotch.  The gravity of thousands of deaths was being parlayed with a bottle of scotch?  Seeing that fact I felt sad.

I have my own views.  If truth be told I land on one side of this debate of whether or not we should be moving the economy forward or holding back for the sake of our collective health.  Honestly I don’t think it matters which side I sit on.  What matters to me is compassion.  While I don’t agree with one side I want to be able to hold space for their suffering.  I want to recognize their pain.  

What saddens me about the duality is how each side comes together for their common foe.  Everyone on a side looks at everyone on the other side as “them”.   The ones keeping their livelihood going or the ones keeping their health safe.  The distrust of the “other” side is huge.  I believe we are all so much more complicated than that.  We are all lonely and scared, feeling a scarcity of what we need in our lives be it a paycheck, wellness, touch, or comfort.  We all want to be acknowledged.  We all want to be trusted.  

Can we give accountability to each other?  Can we trust each other to do what is right for ourselves and our families?  That’s not as easy as it sounds.  If I open my business and you are an employee and you aren’t comfortable going back to work because of the health risk it poses to you or your family, what happens?  If you have a job that you need to keep food on the table and a home over your families’ heads, what happens if the store shutters?

I have no answers.  I can pour through the news from credible sources, read the medical opinions, study the statistical charts and I still have no answers.  I can’t predict any time when the world will go back to “normal”- we can travel again, we can dine at restaurants, we can gather in groups or hug our friends.  I just know that I feel this duality wrong.  I hope for some way that we can all collect together and feel in our hearts what is the right thing to do.