Falling off the “No Dairy” wagon

The other day, I did it.  I had a dairy binger.  A little over 5 weeks ago, I decided to stop eating dairy to help alleviate my sciatica symptoms.  After 5 weeks without dairy, I chose to eat dairy.  As I mentioned in my no dairy post, I love cheese.  I love other things with dairy in them that I hadn’t even realized had dairy in them like certain cereals and popcorn.  I love chocolate (which often contains milk).  The evening of my binger was a pretty regular evening.  I didn’t really have anything stressing me.  But suddenly I said to myself, “Oh fuck it.  I’m going to have some Moose Munch.  That contains butter and chocolate.  Who cares?”  I then proceeded to eat a ridiculous amount of the stuff.  Here’s the thing.  Even if I am not on a “no dairy” program, Moose Munch is delicious.  Moose Munch is like crack.  Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to have some Moose Munch.  Once I vacuumed up all the Moose Munch into my mouth, then I really threw caution to the wind.  I figured, “What the hell?  I already blew it on the Moose Munch.  Let’s have cheese!”  Then I had a few slices of cheese.  Then I stopped.  Because honestly, I felt like what a beached whale must feel like.

I’m not a stranger to binge eating.  Back when I was a full-time dieter, my binging habits were much more obvious.  I don’t know how often I binged, but I certainly did it.  Binging is a reaction to restriction.  So since I was on regular restriction, I was semi-regularly binging.  Deny me food, and I will eventually crack.  Now that I don’t diet, I don’t binge.  Well, until I started denying myself dairy.  At first, I wasn’t missing dairy at all.  Especially since I bought myself all those alternative dairy foods.  Then I noticed an interesting behavior creeping in.  I was eating around dairy.  This means when I wanted dairy, I would search for other foods in the house.  I would eat past my fullness point so that I wouldn’t want dairy because I was too full.  This behavior led to some uncomfortable moments.  Then finally, after 5 weeks, I  ate a ridiculous amount of dairy.

When I woke up the next day, my leg felt horrible.  I knew that yes, I had created some inflammation in my leg by eating that stuff.  So now I know, dairy is causing inflammation in my body.  I felt frustrated and defeated.  While I know weight loss is bullshit, and size is not a measure of health or wellness, intake control can help me when it comes to dairy and my sciatica.  That said, I could see that the no dairy diet brings out the dieter in me.  I have put that part of me to bed, and I don’t want it coming back.  Ever.

I texted my daughter and said, “I had a dairy binger last night.”  My daughter is a vegan.  She was a vegetarian for about 10 years and then she took the plunge to become a vegan.  I figured she could relate on some level; she had to remove dairy from her diet.  She texted back and told me it was okay; sometimes when people start their vegan journey they have a piece of cheese or an egg early on.  I told her my leg was in pain, and I had probably created inflammation.  She suggested I take an anti-inflammatory.  Oh yes!  I can just take ibuprofen!  I hadn’t even thought of that.  I was so disappointed that I had had a binger, and I was so discouraged that my leg was inflamed, I didn’t even think about how to resolve the issue.  I know that I won’t do my body good to take ibuprofen every day.  But one dosage that day?  That would be fine, and it would help my pain.  Hoorah!

Now getting back to the dairy.  How do I want to handle that on a regular basis?  I need to find a happy medium.  I told a friend about the dairy incident.  Her reaction was, “Oh!  But you were being so good!”  Ah...no.  Food is not a moral issue.  Granted, I chose to go against my restriction plans, but that does not make me good or bad.  I didn’t fail by eating dairy.  It’s just another choice.  I know I don’t want to beat myself up for the choice.  I can put this incident in my back pocket however.  I can use it as a data point to understand how dairy and I don’t get along.   can think about just eating dairy maybe once a month?  I want to better address the around dairy eating also.  So I’m working through these issues.  I know I don’t want pain.  It just seems at the moment there are times when I would take the pain for some dairy.  I’m just wondering how moderation would work here.  If I had a slice of cheese once a week, would that create a lot of pain?  I’m going to have to experiment and see.  As the pain comes back, I have to remember that it is an experiment, not a moral choice.