Is it Right to Write?

I’m on the East Coast.  I’ve spent the last week or so here.  Actually, as this blog is published, I am home.  But prior to today, I spent 8 days on the East Coast.  I visited with family and friends.  I got to see a friend I hadn’t seen in over 3 years.  I got to see family I hadn’t seen in over 2 years.  I saw my daughter who I hadn’t seen since May.  But did I write?  No.  My normal daily writing exercise didn’t happen.  I looked at the daily prompts of my journal.  None of them moved me.  I thought about how it felt to visit family after so long.  I reminisced with family about shared experiences.  I talked politics.  I read.  Even my reading was minimal.  I played word games on my phone.  

It wasn’t all passive.  I did a lot of walking in Philadelphia and NYC.  I ate some great meals.  I got super cold with all of the outdoor activities.  And still, I never wrote.

It’s hard for me when I don’t write.  I find it challenging to get back in the swings of things, to get words down on my electronic paper.  I start to resent myself for not writing.  I have the icky feeling I get when I set a deadline for myself, and the deadline is getting closer, while I’m nowhere near completion.  I haven’t performed the task or tasks I set forward to do.  I start to dread the looming deadline.  

This time I noticed I was bargaining with myself.  Telling myself, “It’s okay if you don’t write for one week.”  But no!  I made a commitment to myself: publish a blog post every week.  My goodness!  I’m at the finish line!  Only 5 weeks left.  Am I going to fuck it up now?

I never said how long these posts have to be.  I try to run a good 1000 words.  So this 400 word piece is paltry.  Or is it?  I get to set my own intentions and my own limitations.  This one isn’t worth fighting.  I get to get back in my writing saddle and try for something more substantial next week.  Self-compassion tells me to enjoy the memories I have of a good trip and not worry about the length of the piece.

I could fill you in on my journey by sharing the details of my chats and the various foods I tried.  I could talk about my grandniece on ice skates or adorning the Hanukkah temporary tattoos I shared with her.  It all seems too personal right now, so I’m heading off with a generic...until next time.