Strike a pose
I love to move my body. Of course that can take its toll on me. Living on the Wasatch I have the opportunity to interact with the mountains all the time. In the warmer weather its hiking and in the winter its skiing. Recently I decided to take up winter sport one that I hadn’t done in many years- sledding and tubing.
Unfortunately my recent tubing experience was not like the tubing I remember of my youth. You can’t control a tube like you can your feet or even skis. My first tubing experience ended in a bouncy ride down the hill bumping my back out of wack.
If you know me, you know that in 2012 I did some serious damage to my back and I ended up with back surgery. So I wasn’t happy when I realized I had just sustained a back injury by leading the sledding pack. I went home and nursed my back hoping to recover quickly, not like I did in 2012. 2 days after my injury I showed up for my regular Monday afternoon yoga class. I let my teacher know that I had an injury and that I would be listening to my body as I focused on my movements. She kept and eye on me to make sure I was okay during class. A few times I bowed out of moves and slid into a child’s pose on my mat being compassionate for my injury.
After class I spoke with my teacher. I told her I was going to attend the next class because it was a gentler class and I felt I could get a nice cool down there. I also spoke about one of the cues she had given me to “tuck my tailbone”. I said that when I used that cue I felt as if I was creating a little hand to hold my seat and make me feel more comfortable. She loved my description and she said, “That’s a great visual! When you are done with your teacher training and you teach your own classes you can share that visual with your students”.
Since the next class was starting shortly a student for the next class named Julie had already entered the room. Julie heard my discussion with the teacher and she asked me, “Are you doing yoga teacher training?” I told her I was and explained all I hoped to get out of the experience, who my teacher was, and how long I had been studying yoga. The new student seemed impressed.
A few minutes later our new yoga class began. In my earlier class I was concerned for my back because I knew of the challenges that the earlier teacher could give me. The later class was described as ‘gentle’ so I had less concerns going in. As we started our movement I imagined that Julie must be watching my every move. After all I had told her I was taking training to become a yoga teacher. Suddenly I became acutely aware of my movement. Where earlier I had been focused on breath and listening to my body for cues of tenderness and pain now I was concerned with how perfect I could make my down dog and my warrior poses for Julie. Honestly I wasn’t being very yogi-like. As we moved through the poses I became more anxious that I “look good” for Julie.
After about 45 minutes our instructor had us down on the floor sitting with our legs in out front of us. She asked us to do a forward fold- folding our front bodies over our legs. As I started to fold I felt a twinge in my back. I thought of Julie sitting next to me. I didn’t want to look like a yoga loser, someone who couldn’t even fold more than a few millimeters forward. I told my back, “We’ve got this!” and I pushed myself forward. I even grabbed my big toe like the instructor recommended. I felt like I had pushed past the pain. I figured I was a yoga rockstar. Only I wasn’t.
When it came time to get back up from the forward fold my back didn’t give me a twinge. It SCREAMED. I was in true pain. After telling myself I needed to show off and be flexible I ignored my body, my intuition, and my principles. Now I was suffering. I switched into child’s pose for some stretching and humbling. Had I followed the yoga principle of being ‘Open to Grace’? No I hadn’t.
Unfortunately my back bothered me for about 10 days after that incident. It still has a bit of a ‘twinge’ when I make certain movements. I learned some valuable lessons that day. I realized being kind to my body was more important than being a “poser”. It’s important that I acknowledge and support my body. My body decided to speak up to me when I didn’t want to listen. I also learned to be compassionate in my observation. Trying to show off for Julie wasn’t yogi like or helpful. I’m a better body listener these days. I’m hoping to continue to hear.